Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
