so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
