I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
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