This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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