ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
