hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
