I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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