I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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