Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
