I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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