You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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