I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
