meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
