i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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