you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
