I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Randomize
