I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
