I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
