he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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