you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Randomize
