What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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