Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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