she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
