all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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