i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
