The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
