Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
he's gonorrhea incarnate
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
