this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
