I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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