I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
