i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Shame is for Republicans.
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