i think my tv is drunk
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
