My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
