Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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