just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
