Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
