Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
