It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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