we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
