i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
