just come out here and I will go home with you...
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
we're making bets on your personal life
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize