Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Come share oat with me in your robe
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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