i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize