there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
