You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
