you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
