Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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