Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
