I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
