This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
