Pants 0. Shit 1.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
