doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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