When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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