the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
