Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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