who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
