Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
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