All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
