btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
