I'm so fucking centered right now
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
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