I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'm sobbing to NWA
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
