Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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