dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
