When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
