at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
