Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
