Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
