in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
