Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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