make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
