So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I think my nap took me to another dimension
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
