she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
