I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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