so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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