When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Randomize
