I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
