last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Terrible idea I love it
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
