like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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