Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
