My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i barfeds in our rink
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize