I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize