For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
