Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
