No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize