she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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