Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I just blew my weed a kiss
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
