Old men and throwing up are my life now.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
