I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize