loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
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