Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
