yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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