The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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