I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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