If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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