we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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