the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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