Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I want to make a zoo with you.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
