i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize