Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
