He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
That's when you crack a 10am beer
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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